from Glasgow

Last week I went on a little adventure out to the Menie estate just north of Aberdeen, to say hello to Donald Trump, and to see what’s going on there and what the possibilities are for performance.

I bought a map*, hopped on the bus, and before it had even left the station had got chatting to Sarah, who had shaved her head on Sunday, “because I felt like it. The breeze feels great!” and who is living alone in her family home out in Balmedie, whilst in her first year studying mechanical engineering at Robert Gordon University.

I asked her about her thoughts on Trump’s development, and I think her response was fairly representative of a lot of people in the area. Whilst we agreed that it’s a pretty special place, and the wildlife is amazing, her argument that it would bring jobs to the area, and a much needed economic boost to Balmedie are undeniable.

“It’s a beautiful place, amazing – I hope they don’t totally ruin it, but it will be good for the area. I mean, there’s only a co-op, and a hotel. Sometimes you just want a Tesco express, or somewhere to go out in the evening, or there to be better busses. It’ll make Balmedie a much more lively place.”

Donald Trump’s website says this: “This development will offer a large number of jobs, both in construction and post opening operation.  It is estimated that during construction approximately 7000 jobs will be created, generating hundreds of millions of pounds worth of GVA across Scotland.” Although this figure has been heavily disputed by economists and journalists, especially amongst mumblings that the hotel/town complex on the site will not go ahead now, which would provide many of the long term jobs.

I walked along the beach for a couple of miles, in the cold and the rain, feeling a bit mad in myself, but good as I’ve been spending far too much time indoors lately. There was no one on the construction site, so I hopped nimbly over the (shoddy) fence and planted my feet firmly on some freshly laid turf.

Honestly, this whole coastline is too dear to me to think anything good of this whole venture. The last time I was here was to scatter my Grandad’s ashes at Newburgh beach, singing to the seals, the ash flew back in our faces, and we thought he would have laughed. He got into the sea eventually. I only hope that he isn’t being ploughed around by Donald Trump’s diggers right now.


family at Newburgh (Grandad is in the red gift bag...)

Basically, I think it is vile, and every thing I read seems to confirm this. I can’t help it. And its not only because of my Grandad.


A performance score for the Menie Estate:

One performer, live performance for any incidental viewers but primarily for camera. Attitude/Manner: that of a publicity stunt. It is a performance & an action, but is essentially for the camera & TV.


this is Donald Trump JR on the estate, same sort of thing.

Being Donald Trump: write a text, imagining being Trump – conduct ‘viewers’ on a tour of the golf course, as it is. Imagining the future. Like an estate agent (he is an estate agent) - just imagine the potential! Mimic actions/speeches from footage of DT - "he lives like a pig" text, two fingers up at the camera. Playing golf. Bad american accent because I can only do a bad one. Combover.

Costume: my French kilt, the single blue sock I found, found pink hairclip, braveheart tabard, kilt hose flashes (whole accumulated costume up to this point) + any more items acquired

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I'll end this with a little regional Scottish news report I made. It's mainly wind. I've subtitled it so Scots and Americans can both understand it. Also, because its really fucking windy.

*I love maps. This is probably the only reason I will never get an iPhone